Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
