I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
