Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
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