Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
