I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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