I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
