Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
