you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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