if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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