Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
