Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
