SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
