I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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