Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
