wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
