This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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