life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
