Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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