Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
