I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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