There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
