He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
