Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
