my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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