How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
