i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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