pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
