I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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