He kissed a someone with a penis
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
