Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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