His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
