Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
