i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
