True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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