his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize
