ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
