Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
