wake up i wanna do it froggy style
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
