You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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