I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
