Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
