i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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