Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
