I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
