my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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