I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
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