Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
