good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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