Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
