did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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