I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
