saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
