R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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